A former Facebook whore speaks out

I have a shameful yet true secret: I used to be a Facebook whore.

I friended everyone and everything. People I marginally knew in a class a few semesters ago? Sure. Friended. Someone I ran into at a party last week? In. Plus every art major and every design major and most communications majors and most people in the honors college. At one point, I friended someone I thought I knew, then later, when she changed her profile picture, I realized that I'd friended a complete stranger, and, even weirder, she'd confirmed it. Every person I went to elementary, middle, and high school was a candidate for friending.

I was running almost 800 friends when I realized that I had a problem.

It occurred to me that the people I really respected on Facebook weren't the ones that had 1,000 friends; they were the ones that had 50-200 friends. They weren't whores with shriveled egos and bloated friends lists. They chose the people that were really their friends and confidently stopped.

It was time.

Here were my criteria:

People had to achieve at least one "yes" to stay.

They had to be people I communicated with regularly, who would notice if I eliminated them.

Or they had to be people who could be useful (I know, Machiavellian of me).

Or they had to be really interesting people that I followed because I was interested in their art, or their careers, or their lives. Some people just are genuinely interesting and when they post, they post cool stuff. I'm keen on art, design, and fun links. I also dig pictures of pets and babies (sadly, in that order. I know: I'm bad person).

Or they had to be people I felt residual goodwill toward. Some people are just always friends. They're kind of in there for life unless they do something really terrible. My metaphorical and literal house is open to them (at least for the weekend). These people are also assumed not to be kleptomaniacs or dog-abusers. (Anyone who won't at least pretend to love my dog is a robot and not allowed in my home.)

It's amazing how many people are uninteresting, useless, incommunicado, and unwelcome in my house.

I went from 800 or so friends to about 250. This was a few years ago; I'm currently at 258. I've gained and deleted a few in the interim, but am holding pretty steady.

All of this gets brought up because yesterday was Jimmy Kimmel's Unfriend Day. It's a good idea and I'm glad someone brought it up. I highly recommend cutting out your friends-that-aren't-friends.

Not me, though. Don't cut me. Because I find you interesting, useful, communicative, and/or a potential houseguest, and I hope you feel the same way.